You remember that fever dream you had that one time when you saw something so fucked up that you couldn’t quite figure out what it was, and on waking up you completely forgot half of what it looked like?

Remember a few minutes afterwards when, after trying to fixate on the horror you’d left behind, your imagination had run wild and you ended imagining something five times more horrifying than the first thing, only to realise that that new creation of your own subconscious was going to haunt your waking thoughts for the next fifteen years?

Multiply that by eleven, and you’ll have some idea of the creature that hovered before all assembled as the devices of the digital core flickered all around them. It seemed to be suspended from the ceiling by a mass of wires, though nobody could see where exactly they were attached to. Its main body...head...central part was a bulbous, geometric structure, covered with a slightly translucent material that pulsed with multicoloured lights. Each surface of the shape carried a face; a single domed eyeball, and a pair of vivid-red lips surrounding a dark void of a mouth. The same face, repeated on all twenty-four surfaces, with the only difference being the expressions. Some faces were happy, some sad, some angry, some feral, some smug, some curious and some staring hauntingly off into the distance. All of them a mockery of the humans watching them. The bulbous head-section spun lazily, and the faces chattered amongst themselves, with wires dangling between their mouths.

Below that hung another, smaller module; a central bearing, from which protruded four spindly arms, tipped with the very same ever-shifting hands they’d seen before. The arms spun around, seeming far too thin to be of any use, yet moving confidently and precisely. And below that, the creature gave way to a mass of tendrils, tipped with the spikes that the tamers had seen on the wyrms, the horses and the fisherman. They twitched, as if ready to give birth to more horrendous creatures at any time.

The Funnyman swung from side to side, before leaning forwards, grimacing down at the tamers with several of its faces.

you seem disgusted by me. i find that offensive

It leered from side to side, sticking out a bulbous tongue that poked between different faces like a nasty metallic slug. Aardmon glared up at it, watching each of its hands in turn.

“You’ll forgive us if we don’t take your offense seriously.”

lol u triggered?

All around, the four Ultimates shifted around the central platforms. Sindrimon and Ophicleimon shuffled in opposite directions, staying out of the way of the central arms as their partners rode on their backs. Minogamemon clambered onto the panels down below, giving her large bulk as much space as she could manage, and Siphonamon hovered upwards, glancing up at the Funnyman’s central column but seeing nothing. There were no surreptitious movements from any of the four warriors; everything was out in the open. After all, it’s hard to sneak up on your enemy when it’s literally staring at you no matter which angle you go for.

The Funnyman didn’t seem too bothered by the friendly rearrangements, simply staring at each member of the attack party simultaneously. Occasionally it would feint a lunge, causing the hapless Ultimate to jump, but it would always pull back, giggling to itself.

you are all so totally adorbz

i wanna take u all home and cover you in yoghurt and chocolate sauce and breadcrumbs and bake you and then snuggle each one of you

especially you

The Funnyman dropped down several metres, putting its central panel level with the platform. It swivelled, picking its most judgemental and smarmy face and staring directly at Aardmon, who stood stock still, utterly terrified by the entity before her. The Funnyman winked (probably) and wriggled its tongue around its nearest mouth suggestively.

snuggy wuggy naughty bad fluffy girl

Aardmon shuddered, and shimmied backwards, with Lorelie placing her hands over the aardvark’s shoulders and glaring up at the monstrosity. The Funnyman let off a deep, multilayered chuckle, before several of its faces frowned and it swayed thoughtfully.

oh sorry are you waiting for me i apologise DIE

Without warning its entire body spasmed into life; every face contorted into a mad cackle and its four arms spun wildly. The Digimon burst into life around it, firing blasts and raising weapons, but the Funnyman stopped flailing just as quickly as it had began.

or maybe not. who knows. you don’t knowp>

It gingerly reached out with a hand and squeezed two fingers around a stray flame near to Sindrimon, extinguishing it easily. Its faces were almost serenely calm.

you’re smart. you want me to attack cause you’re waiting. you're waiting to see what i do. cause you don’t know anything about me and i know everything about you. cause i’ve been watching you. all of you. i know how you fuckers work.

The Funnyman spun its faces around, cackling as it did so. Then, without warning, its faces all shut down.

Instantly this was followed by a yelp from all five children at once, as the Funnyman’s same, laughing visage appeared on each of their screens at once. Callum and Ursula tried to knock it out, while Lorelie crouched down, clutching her head with shaking fingers.

“LEEAVE US AlzzogfOOONECjchkc”

The takeover stopped, and the great formless machine rose up in front of them again, looking unbearably smug.

i see eeeeeeeeeeeveeeeerythiiiiiiiiing

Eleanor crouched further down into her Minogamemon’s shell, and Martin gripped Siphonamon’s frill more tightly, and the other three tamers backed away to one end of their platform, watching as the penguin and the troll manoeuvred across the iron bridge.

The Funnyman didn’t care. It drifted slowly around, wiping some dust off a nearby panel. Even with its nonchalant movements, it never took its eyes off of everyone in the chamber. Even as they kept moving around. Even as the Ultimates balled energy behind their backs, or shuffled into a better position.

how do i fight? how powerful am i really? i could do anything and you wouldn’t know. i could flood the room. i could make the walls explode. i could snap my fingers and all your eyes would fall out. shall i try it?

It raised a deliberate arm, rubbing two fingers against each other as everybody watched helplessly. But still it did nothing, only lowering its arms again.

but i won’t cause then i’ll be moving first and that’s what you want

The chamber was all but silent when the Funnyman stopped speaking; so much so that the tamers swore they could hear each other blinking. Martin glanced at Ursula. Ursula at Lorelie. Callum at Aardmon. Trying to think of a way to begin; an almost-impossible task with that monster gazing down at them.

so who’s gonna move first?

The Funnyman was swaying greatly now, circling the chamber like a kid on a sugar-high as its arms played eeny-meeny-miney-mo amongst themselves.

i think

It stopped, and dangled down, spinning deliberately.

it's gotta

It raised a hand, raising it on high and pointing it directly at Siphonamon.

be you

“Vitality Sphere!”

A green blast emanated from below, and the Funnyman swung viciously sideways, reaching out and catching the blast with two hands, kneading it around with what looked remarkably like an oversized pair of oven gloves.

whoops missed here you go

“Duck!”

Sindrimon rushed to one side as the Funnyman spun and launched the ball of energy at the platform, where it exploded into globs of light. The troll turned, but already the Funnyman was repositioning itself as it flicked between several different hand choices.

The four Ultimates didn’t have the element of surprise, or any kind of advanced tactics they could use.

It was now or never. They had to strike.

“Mercy Melody!”

“Gluhlampenexplosion!”

Fire and ice swirled around and slammed into the Funnyman from both sides, causing it to reel backwards, temporarily stunned. It flicked out its right hand and formed a laser cannon, pointing it towards the nearest Ultimate, but both had already moved positions, staying out of the monstrosity’s way.

“Primordial Staff!”

Minogamemon launched herself upwards, spinning her weapon behind her, but the Funnyman spun away with the lunge, mocking her as it went.

are you ever gonna learn?

From within her shell, Minogamemon smirked, and dropped her staff. Reaching out with a long arm she grabbed the Funnyman’s suspended wires and swung herself around, changing the creature’s course and driving the central column into her right knee.

ASDFGHJKLKJHGFDSA hello Josie i am in need of pain relief

The Funnyman let off a mass of gibberish mixed with a few choice swear words, but the turtle ignored it; she bounced off the walls, before swinging the Funnyman again and slamming it into one of its massive screens.

The Funnyman’s counter was instant; a flash of light, followed by an uncalled-for HONK, followed by a sudden ten-thousand volts coursing through her arm, causing her to let the Funnyman go with a jerk. It smiled as it backed away, and stuck its tongue out at her, but its rearmost faces were looking slightly less smug as, pulled by gravity and the physical laws of the pendulum, the whole bundle swung across the chamber and into the firing path of Siphonamon.

“Synapse Pulsator!”

Siphonamon’s tentacles rippled outwards, before coming together rapidly with a pulse of energy. The lights rippled forwards and towards their mouth, which fired a massive ray of light directly into the Funnyman’s nearest face.

It spun from the impact, screaming as it did so and waving its arms around wildly, one of its faces smoking. The Ultimates realigned themselves as the monsters swung slowly in front of them, eventually coming to a stop. Its face had been smashed completely inwards, replaced by a smoking panel of glass that leaked clear fluid.

Ophicleimon rolled his neck, and blew a low bass note, summoning a small storm ready to attack. “You don’t stand a chance against us. Surrender now.”

From his vantage point at the side, Callum raised an eyebrow at his partner. “Really?”

“I thought it was appropriate.”

“Well, sure, but when has that ever worked?”

The giant bird shrugged, and the two focused their attention on the Funnyman, who had each of its arms raised. It flicked its fingers out one by one, almost theatrically, and hummed to itself.

four times two makes eight. plus two and plus another two. you’re all too lame to have any more than that

It clenched all its fists, and smirked to itself, rubbing two hands together.

that’ll do just fine

“Gluhlampenexplosion!”

“Night in Antarctica!”

“Primordial Staff!”

“Tesla Tsunami!”

The Funnyman raised each hand in a different direction as it was swamped by four separate blasts, its lower-section lost in a sea of rainbow lights. The barrage didn’t stop there, as Sindrimon rushed forwards through the blast with his hammer raised and a crazed glint in his eye.

“Vulkanabsteig!”

The troll’s hammer slammed down on the Funnyman’s forearm, before swinging it out to one side and blocking a right hook. He held his ground, screeching to one side from the force, but he didn’t have time to react before a third arm came around from the left and struck him in the back. He careened wildly, belching smoke from his body as he rushed for cover. He caught Ursula’s eye, and laughed wildly.

“He’s a fast one!”

Ursula gritted her teeth from the sidelines. “Never mind that. We need to find a way to bring it down...”

Beside her, Lorelie pressed at her keypad. “The flash drives. There’s got to be something we can do.”

“I’m on it.”

There was a rush of wind as Minogamemon leapt up, hanging from the domed ceiling as she scanned the Funnyman’s pathway. “Any opening at all...”

my turn

The Funnyman turned towards her in an instant, and raised two arms, an arc of green electricity glowing between them. The giant turtle leapt away just in time as the arc slammed into the wall, sending metal beams crashing down in a cross pattern. Minogamemon retracted halfway and rolled to a separate section of the chamber, unfurling in seconds.

But the Funnyman was watching her movements, raising his nearest arm and flicking something long, thin, rubber and very slippery down at the turtle’s feet. It landed with a splat just as Minogamemon brought her foot down, sending her rolling backwards uncontrollably. Callum, Ursula and Lorelie yelped in unison, and ducked as her hand slammed into the wall above them.

Eleanor brushed debris from her hair as she glared into her partner’s shell.

“Watch it for the love of fuck!”

The 22-foot turtle seemed to shrink down at the tone of Eleanor’s voice. “...sorry...”

gloopy-shnicker-boom-boom

Minogamemon’s attention snapped upwards again, and her eyes widened as she saw the huge bolus of fire coming towards them (seeming to originate from what looked like four cans of deodorant and a lighter). The turtle threw herself forwards, shouldering the fireball and managing to dissipate it before it flash-fried the humans, though not without taking a significant few burns herself. Eleanor shielded her eyes, coughing from the smoke.

“What, he can do all your attacks as well? That’s out of order!”

don't blame me you started it

“Watch it!”

Minogamemon ducked again, rushing into the bowl below as the Funnyman lunged with a spinning blade. She emerged the other side, only to get struck on one arm with a ball of ice; very similar to the ones Ophicleimon was summoning. The Funnyman chattered, and dug deeper, blocking her escape with its other three arms.

you’re all great teachers you know

“Fuck off you plagiarist!”

Minogamemon curled up into a ball, before lashing out, striking the Funnyman in the head-section with a powerful kick.

“Primordial Staff!”

The turtle spun her weapon and stabbed the Funnyman in the midsection, before leaping back and slamming the weapon into the nearest screen. There was a flash of light, and a tree emerged from nowhere, entangling the Funnyman’s body and temporarily holding it in place.

“Thanks!”

Eleanor watched as Ophicleimon rushed forwards, dodging the Funnyman’s arms with surprising ease as he leapt up towards the main body. He landed on the joint, black energy building in his mouth as a strange baritone filled the chamber.

“Mercy MELODY!”

The black mass erupted from his mouth and bathed at least three of the Funnyman’s faces in the depressive mass. He pulled back after a few seconds, waiting hopefully. But his platform trembled, and the Funnyman began to laugh, black masses building in its own mouths.

you really must be desperate if you’re trying to appeal to my conscience

It twirled suddenly, releasing itself from the tree’s grip and firing black and purple lasers in all directions. One caught its target; slamming directly into Ophicleimon’s chest and knocking him from the platform. A swift movement later and Minogamemon had caught him in her palm, though not without a blistering burn mark on her shoulder for her trouble. She placed him on the platform out of the firing range as, behind them, Sindrimon once again took on the monster head on with nothing more than fire, hope, and a mallet.

Martin and Siphonamon hovered nearby, with the boy leaning forwards on his partner’s mane. “The longer we take, the more difficult this is gonna get. We need a plan now.”

“We need a plan yesterday, but we can’t have everything,” said Eleanor, fingering the flash drive around her neck. “Has anyone seen a small rectangular hole that we can easily reach?”

Aardmon rushed towards them, waving her arms. “The dimension sphere, remember? He has to be hiding it somewhere; we just need to find it.”

Everyone looked at Ophicleimon, expecting some insight from the Digimon who had gotten the closest to the Funnyman so far. The auk grumbled. “It’s hard to pay attention when you’re trying your hardest not to get shot and failing miserably.”

Aardmon stepped forwards, holding her fist to her chest. “What about me? I’m small; if you can keep it busy I could probably climb over it and tell you where to aim?”

The others looked among themselves uncertainly. Siphonamon coiled a front tentacle, looking uncertain. “You sure you’re up to it?”

“No. Definitely not.” Aardmon swallowed, and reached out towards the jellyfish. “I have to try though, don’t I?”

Martin looked down at his partner from his vantage point, and nodded. Siphonamon muttered to themselves, but they hovered closer, allowing Aardmon to scuttle upwards and join Martin on their back (head?). As the jellyfish rose up, Martin waved down to the others. “Keep it busy! We’re going in!”

There was a boom as Sindrimon was thrust across the chamber, landing on the walls and spinning his wheels maniacally to get back onto the main platform. Eleanor puffed her chest out. “What does he think we were doing?”

Callum raised an eyebrow. “Probably not enough.”

“Oh, get over yourself.”

“Screw you too.”

The two smiled at one another, and signalled to their partners in unison. Minogamemon and Ophicleimon allowed each other a knowing look for a second, before taking off to rejoin the battlefield.

Aardmon held on tightly as Siphonamon flew her upwards, dodging left and right as the Funnyman’s hands came at them. They looped upwards, and the Funnyman released a barrage of rainbow bolts, peppering the chamber behind them.

“You’ve gotta get in close!”

Martin held the flash drive tightly in his hand as he scanned their opponent; not easy, given that it was as big and flexible as his own partner was. He leant forwards, and pointed. “The top joint! It’s our best bet!”

no hitchhikers

“Synapse Pulsator!”

The great jellyfish swung around and fired three shots in succession, striking the rear of the Funnyman’s nearest arm. It swung away, and Siphonamon saw their chance, lunging downwards and twisting at the last second.

“Now!”

“I’m on it!”

Aardmon jumped just as the Funnyman turned, its flexible body twisting and trying to push her away, but the furry marauder kept her grip and pulled herself upwards. The Funnyman looked down indignantly (if it was possible to look indignant with twenty-four maniacal Cyclops faces) but Siphonamon didn’t give it the chance to respond. They swam around effortlessly in the chamber, turning like an eel and ramming the Funnyman in the lowermost face. It responded in kind, chomping at their frill and spinning away, taking several tentacles out by the root.

“Let go of me, you savage!”

The leviathan was not to be outdone; they spread their tentacles wide and formed a web of electricity between the ends, forming an amazing display that shot bolts out towards the walls of the chamber.

“Tesla Tsunami!”

The Funnyman backed away, raising all four palms as they were enveloped in lightning. Temporarily stunned, it looked up as Siphonamon’s tail slashed across one of its faces, leaving a crease in one of its eyes that slowly oozed pus.

very funny very impressive lol u gonna DIE

The four hands split apart into groups of two, each clamped around batons of blazing rock. Siphonamon noticed too late as one struck them across the face, and the other slammed forwards, pinning them momentarily to the wall. The Funnyman reeled back, spinning its arms to make a third punch, when a yank from below threw it off its rhythm. It glanced down, watching as Sindrimon clutched its base. His face was strained, and his wheels were screaming out as they spun in the opposite direction. But the smile still hadn’t disappeared from his face.

“Stop nicking my tricks, you very naughty person! Vulkanabsteig!”

He tugged backwards with one arm, and swung his mallet, catching the Funnyman’s central joint with a thundering blow. It rattled through the chamber, and the Funnyman was shaken, dropping bits of molten metal as it tried to keep its joint in one piece. Sindrimon rushed forwards, but a palm slammed across his path, shoving him backwards. The Funnyman chattered, pressing inwards with two fists and slamming down with the other two.

“Gluhlampenexplosion!”

The flash of light sent the Funnyman reeling, and Sindrimon rushed for cover with more than just his pride dented. Ursula reached up and felt the massive fracture in his helmet, as red fluid ran down his goggles.

The troll shrugged, and sniffed. “Don’t mind me, big sis. I’m tough. I can bounce around a bit; it’ll be fine.”

The girl nodded, but she didn’t seem overly sure. Lorelie looked up at Ursula, who was gripping her partner’s shoulder like iron. She held her keypad, pressing at the buttons.

“This is going on too long...”

“I...can fight...”

The smaller girl felt a shuffling in her arms, and she flinched as Shrewmon struggled, trying to pull herself away. “I can fight too! I can help!”

Lorelie shook her head vigorously, holding the Digimon away from the Funnyman’s rampage. “It’s too much. You don’t need-“

“I CAN HELP!”

Shrewmon roared, and kicked backwards, catching the girl in the chest. Lorelie cried out and fell back, only just holding onto Sindrimon in time. Shrewmon landed on her feet, and turned around, her claws shaking.

“Why won’t you let me help you, Lorelie? Why won’t you let me evolve?”

Lorelie started, her screen flickering white, when Ursula stood between them, pointing at the shrew. “Get back here right now!”

“Nobody asked you!”

Ursula bit her lip. “If you try and fight the Funnyman as you are, you’re going to die. I...I can’t let that happen.”

Lorelie held Ursula by the shoulder, but Shrewmon was adamant. She stared down at the ground, then up between the two girls. She grinned, and began to run backwards.

“You’re wrong...I...I can still do this...everyone else could do it...I’ll show you I’m worthy of you!”

“Shrewmon!”

Lorelie’s distorted voice rang out through the chamber, but it didn’t stop her partner. Shrewmon leapt from the platform and dug her claws into the chamber walls, climbing at an incredible speed. She didn’t even stop when the pain of her injuries returned, or even to wipe the tears from her eyes.

The shrew reached the very top, and looked down, seeing the bulbous shape swaying below her. She gritted her teeth, and leapt, spinning as she did so.

“Scrape Nail!”

She struck the Funnyman’s head with surprising force, her claws ripping through the material. But even as she kept attacking, her small size meant that her impact was minimal, doing little other than annoying the Funnyman. She was so focused that she didn’t notice the hand reaching out above her, coming towards her at an incredible speed.

“Watch out!”

Aardmon leaped forwards as the hand slammed down, and she rolled with Shrewmon in her clutches. The two stood on four legs, trying to catch their breath as the multiple mouths laughed beneath them. Aardmon nodded at the smaller Rookie.

“Take your time.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“I don’t suppose you’ve seen a small hyper-powerful buzzing ball up here anywhere?”

Shrewmon laughed, and stood up, gripping onto the bundle of wires atop the Funnyman’s main body. “I have no idea what the fuck we’re looking for anymore-“

Something caught her eye, and she glanced directly upwards. With a whistle, she pointed, her claw reaching towards something round, silvery-blue and half-buried, about three-quarters of the way up the bundle of wires.

“Is that thing supposed to be there?”

Aardmon rushed forwards, squinted, and gasped. “That’s it! That’s the dimension sphere!”

“H...how do you know that-?”

“Martin! Anyone!”

“I heard you!” yelled Martin, as Siphonamon swung around, dodging razor-sharp bullets and blades of ice from the Funnyman’s appendages. The boy squinted, and pushed his glasses up as far as he could. “I can see it! Right there, up at the top!”

Right as he said it, the chamber went black. Then bright white. Then deepening to a suppressive purple, with multicoloured flashing lights all around the edge. A deep, unsettling laugh echoed around, far different to any of the Funnyman’s previous jokes.

you're perceptive, you’re clever, bingo, you win the prize. but the prize is mine. i found it. i use it.

Martin held so tightly onto Siphonamon’s frill that he thought his hands would split apart, as the Funnyman swayed in a sinister fashion. Its many faces were all completely focused, staring outwards. The eyes glowed blue. The mouths all moved in unison, split apart in horrific grimaces.

it's mine. i'm not giving it back. never.

The creature’s body trembled, and it spun wildly, lashing out with a barrage of green and blue and orange. Ophicleimon was caught by a few of the bolts, calling out as they pierced his wings, while Minogamemon curled up and rolled, the attack merely chipping her shell. Siphonamon moved expertly, keeping at least three of their eyes directly on the sphere up above. Martin nudged his partner. “It’s open. We have a chance to get it.”

The jellyfish hummed, and flew forwards, releasing arcs of lightning, but the Funnyman moved with incredible reflexes, slicing upwards with two hands. Siphonamon coiled back, and stared at the monster.

“Hurry, Siphonamon! We don’t have long!”

“He’s changed...”

“Of course. It’s on the defensive.”

Siphonamon blinked, and backed up even further, their patterns flickering gently. “I’ve seen the defensive. Nothing to this degree. It’s like something’s been switched inside it.” The jellyfish coiled their front tentacles together. “I’m scared, Martin.”

“Siphonamon...”

The boy crouched down, resting a palm behind his partner’s frill.

“One move. That’s all we’ll need.” He smiled. “I believe in you."

The Funnyman twitched, and the face nearest to them glanced in their direction, the mouth hanging open as wires traipsed from the corners.

the core is mine

“The core belongs to the Digital World!”

Siphonamon rushed out and spread their tentacles far and wide, running trails of lightning down them and releasing an incandescent flash with their entire body. The Funnyman recoiled from the intense display of light and colour, and found itself backed up against the chamber wall.

“Vitality Sphere!”

“Mercy Melody!”

“Gluhlampenexplosion!”

The three attacks hit it head on, and Siphonamon disappeared from view, lost in the iridescent storm. They spiralled upwards, dodging between the wildly flailing arms and barrelling towards the hidden core. Martin stood up, clutching his flash drive tightly as he leaned out through the flailing tentacles.

“Just a bit closer!”

gGOOooO AwwAAAAY

“Synapse Pulsator!”

A hand swiped at Siphonamon’s tail, ripping out a pair of tentacles, but the jellyfish ignored the pain and fired blasts at the Funnyman, spiralling ever closer as they did so. Martin saw the hidden orb whip past him, and he reached out towards it, trying in vain to see the detail of the dimension sphere itself.

“What...do...I do?”

GOT YOU

The boy stumbled as his partner disappeared from beneath him, and he fell through the air, crashing onto the Funnyman’s head and very nearly rolling away over the edge. Something clamped over his arm and he yelled as the Funnyman’s teeth dug into him. Though admittedly it did stop him from falling.

And it also kept him from doing anything to help.

Siphonamon squirmed in the Funnyman’s grasp, contorting themselves left and right and in every direction, but for every hand they released themselves from, three more appeared in their place. The hands were long now, and tipped with spikes that slashed at the jellyfish’s body. Martin cried out, and pulled against his captor.

“Sand Lancer!”

“Acid Splash!”

The two Rookies appeared beside the boy, attacking with just enough force to release the mouth’s grip. Martin stood up, staring up from his precarious position. The Funnyman glared down at him, with a face that could only have been a mixture of triumph and disdain.

It held out its four arms. In two were wrapped the struggling Siphonamon, still blasting bolts everywhere. In one it held the dimension sphere, as confidently as a trophy. And in the last one, held firmly within a pair of tweezers from one of its fingers, was a flash drive, glinting pathetically. Martin felt in his pockets, but he realised too late that it was his.

whoopsie

The tweezers snapped shut, crushing the little device into splinters. The other hand flicked away, and the sphere was gone. Stored away inside the Funnyman’s body.

“No...”

“That’s not gonna work! You hide it inside you, we’ll just have to reach inside and rip it out!” yelled Siphonamon, twisting both halves of their body in different directions and freeing several tentacles. With amazing strength and dexterity they reached over the arm and wrapped themselves tightly around, glaring back at the Funnyman’s faces with all six eyes.

“Tesla Tsunami!”

With a crackle and the sound of tearing metal, lightning poured from Siphonamon’s body and rippled over the Funnyman, causing two of its eyes to burst from the charge. But it laughed all the harder, the pain distorting its speech.

HKHKHKHKHKHKHKHhoooowwww reeeeally bloody noble of yyYYGGHGYyyooouuuu

The jellyfish wriggled free, and soared upwards. They cast their eyes down, seeing Martin on the Funnyman’s shoulder. And seeing the Funnyman’s eyes move the same way.

get rekt, boy

“Don’t you dare...”

The Funnyman grinned, and swung its arms wide, sending Martin tumbling downwards before he could even comprehend what had happened.

“YOU SON OF A-“

Siphonamon rushed downwards, straight towards the boy, but their words were cut short as the Funnyman’s hands reached out and grasped them around the tentacles. They blasted electricity wildly, but the Funnyman swung wildly and cracked their head against the ceiling and the walls.

Down below, Martin struck the base of the chamber with an audible boom, making the whole of his body rattle with the impact. A jolt passed through his head, and he stared up from his stunned position, his head spinning. He could make out his partner, spinning in the Funnyman’s grip as they were whaled on again and again.

“N...no...”

“Tesla TSUNA-“

SNAP

With an awful noise that echoed around the chamber, the Funnyman reached out and cracked the jellyfish’s body like a whip. The bolts careened out wildly, latching onto the Funnyman’s arm as Siphonamon raised their head weakly, but there was nothing they could do as the arm that held them expanded. Spikes shot out from the wrist and every finger, impaling the leviathan through their gelatinous flesh, and the limb began to spin at a frightening pace.

From the base of the chamber, Martin yelled out, struggling to get to his feet as his head still spun. His voice seemed distant. Almost underwater. He could only watch, wide-eyed through cracked glasses, as the Funnyman’s arm sped up more and more, tearing off his partner’s tentacles in seconds.

“Tesla-“

There was an explosion of electricity as the Funnyman’s arm shot backwards like a bolt from a railgun, with enough force to dislocate the forearm from its socket. But Siphonamon came off far worse, their body inverting and being shredded by the force. Most of their tentacles dissolved in an instant, and the remainder writhed briefly in mid-air, before exploding outwards into data.

Everybody froze where they stood. Sparks dropped down like raindrops. A cloud of data remained in the air, billowing out as Siphonamon’s residual magnetic charge still remained. But even that was dissipating.

“...Polypmon...no...”

Martin’s eyes were wide as he stared at the monster above. He could barely move. Barely speak. All he could do was watch.

“Martin...”

The boy started, and looked behind him. Pieces of gel were still falling down, but one in particular lay prone on the chamber floor, dragging itself forwards. It was far smaller than Polypmon, with two tubular eyes and two pathetically tiny tendrils.

But they were still alive.

Martin breathed out a half-cry, half-scream of relief, and shuffled forwards to throw his body around his partner. His head was still spinning, and he could feel something wet and sticky running down the side of his face, but he didn’t care.

In his arms, the tiny Zoamon blinked with moist eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t beat him.”

“No...no...” Martin sat up, and held the jellyfish in his lap. “Just stay here...please just stay with me now...”

you really do leave quite a mark

The two fallen partners stared up at the monster looming above. The Funnyman shook out its charred arm, black dust cascading all around. Then it stared down, and lowered itself all the way down until it was looming over the two. With a scoff, it reached out with a bladed hand.

you're no fun anymore

“GET AWAY FROM THEM!”

“Vitality Sphere!”

A glowing orb shot upwards into the Funnyman’s face, causing it to swing outwards. Minogamemon didn’t stop there; she pummelled the monstrosity, throwing brutal punch after lethal kick, and landing at least half of them. The Funnyman raised four hands, with electricity coursing down them, as it pressed backwards, but the turtle rolled out of its range.

“Vulkanabsteig!”

A crashing blow landed on the Funnyman’s upper body, caving in one of its faces. Three others turned to Sindrimon, and screeched, firing pink flames and driving him back. Ophicleimon suffered a similar fate the other side, unable to even get close to the monster, let alone retrieve the sphere.

“Scrape Nail!”

With a feral screech Shrewmon rushed forwards again, clinging to the Funnyman’s head again and trying to tear down into the prism. But she was little more than an annoyance at this point, and her opponent didn’t even notice her, focusing all its attention on Minogamemon down below.

are you looking for something?

The Funnyman cooed, and opened up a palm, revealing the twitching dimension sphere. Minogamemon’s eyes flashed, and she swiped for it, only to get punched twice in the face for her troubles, cracking her shell. Eleanor clung on for dear life, but her eyes remained fixed on their enemy above.

“You’re gonna pay so much for this...”

Her partner’s eyes glanced down towards her, and the turtle jumped, landing on the platform above with ease. Dextrously she reached into her shell, plucked Eleanor out and placed her on the metal below, much to the girl’s chagrin.

“What are you doing? We’re gonna take it down!”

Minogamemon stared down at the girl, her face unreadable through the lip of the shell. In the low light though, Eleanor could still make out the details of her body. Bruises, slices, cracks, limbs shivering just a little. The turtle held her staff, and her eyes blinked shut reassuringly.

“Don’t worry. I ain’t letting this guy get away.”

Callum approached the girl from behind as she clenched her fists, her body stiffening.

“Don’t you dare let him kill you.”

how sweet

The turtle leapt upwards as the Funnyman leapt higher yet, spinning an illuminated weapon back and forth as she glared down at her adversary.

“Primordial Staff!”

It wasn’t a reserved attack from a distance; the turtle barrelled into the Funnyman with the full force of her body, slamming the staff into it. She coiled around, climbing the wires and retracting into her shell as she rolled down the chamber walls. But the Funnyman was there to meet her at the bottom, lashing out with a devastatingly powerful punch. Her leg lashed out in a counter, followed by her staff, buckling the offending arm from underneath.

“Two...”

She spun, dancing on the wreckage below as the Funnyman kept striking at her, sending blasts of fire directly into her shell. Another lunge and she caught her opponent on the central joint itself, causing the arms to freewheel.

“Three...and...”

The turtle breathed out, before leaping, gripping the upper jaw of Funnyman’s nearest face with one hand. She brought the staff forwards, searing into the head structure like with a red hot poker.

buy me a drink first

“AaaaaAAARGH!”

Blood spurted from Minogamemon’s hand as the jaw snapped down, but she kept pressing her staff further and further forwards, causing miniature glowing roots to dig into the Funnyman’s bio-organic flesh. It writhed, before spinning, tossing the turtle away and into the chamber wall like a meteorite.

For a moment she faltered. She struggled. Her hand came out, pressing into the metal behind her as she tried to stand.

“You...aren’t walking...away from this...”

Minogamemon raised her staff, spinning it as the glow spread throughout its entirety. The Funnyman merely stared, curious about the artefact.

“Release!”

The turtle slammed downwards, and the effect was instant; four immense tree trunks grappling with the Funnyman’s body and pulling it taut. It twitched, the tendrils growing tighter by the second and threatening to sever its joints. Still, it kept giggling, the whole business apparently still very amusing.

Minogamemon stood up, then fell to one knee, the attack taking an incredible amount out of her. She glared upwards, her eyes dangerous slits.

“I’m gonna kill you!”

The Funnyman twitched, and its head module bent sideways, seeming to smirk. One of its heads stuck out its tongue, revealing the tiny sphere balancing on the end.

it's here if you want it

Eleanor rushed to the edge of the platform, calling down to the turtle as she tried to stand upright. “You’ve got this! Finish it off!”

Minogamemon abandoned her staff, and launched herself upwards, hooking her arm around the Funnyman’s prone form. She punched at the head, but due to her fatigue her fists were lacking in the power they’d had before. Still she climbed, digging into the Funnyman’s body with all her strength as she reached for the dimension sphere.

The first vine snapped. Minogamemon lurched sideways, crashing into the wall and smashing several screens. She rolled off to one side and leapt up again, only to stop as she felt a palm slam into one leg with the force of a bullet train, crushing the flesh against the ruined wall. She gasped, but before she could react properly it was followed by three devastating stabs to her shell, taking great chunks out from around her eyes. She fell, toppling backwards into the dome yet again. She looked up in horror as the Funnyman stretched, pulling against its prison, until the other three vines snapped as well, one by one. It gurgled, and swallowed the orb, losing it again.

too late

Eleanor rushed forwards, but Callum held her firmly, digging in against the metal of the platform. The two could only watch as the Funnyman descended like a spider, all four arms raised and holding a variety of deadly looking instruments; angle grinders, drills, and vast bludgeons that spun around in a devastating blur.

“TERRAMON!”

There was a sound like shattering pottery, and a rush of wind. Then silence.

Then just a tiny little giggle from the base of the chamber.

gg newb

The Funnyman raised itself up slowly, hovering just above the platform. It giggled, and held out a hand, dropping a tiny, limp turtle on the platform at Eleanor’s feet.

i believe this is yours

“YOU BASTARD!”

Eleanor kicked and screamed, wrenching herself free from Callum’s grip, but the boy just reached forwards and held her again. “Eleanor stop! There’s nothing you can do!”

“Like fuck there is! I’ll kill it! I’ll tear all its fucking eyes out!”

“ELEANOR!”

The girl turned on her feet, and lashed out, punching Callum across the face with tears in her own eyes.

“Why the fuck aren’t we winning? We’re stronger, aren’t we?”

“I don’t know!”

Ursula and Lorelie joined the two, trying to keep them apart, as Sindrimon rushed past with white fire in his eyes. He and Ophicleimon were battling valiantly, but with their numbers quelled by half, they were clearly struggling against the still very much battle-ready Funnyman. Ophicleimon stumbled, and his eyes flashed, the cold around him growing a little more intense. Sindrimon just kept driving forwards, firing off fiery blast after fiery blast.

“Vulkanabsteig!”

“Night in Antarctica!”

The Funnyman pulled upwards as the two attacks collided and twisted together, causing an explosion that rocketed through the chamber. The four humans still on the bridge were forced back, cowering at the edge of the platform with no option but to watch the duel before them.

Ursula held her arms inwards, flinching with every blow from the Funnyman. “We...we can still win this...”

“HOW?”

Eleanor scrambled to her feet and reached out towards the taller girl, before pulling back at the last second, holding her devolved partner, Chelomon, in her arms. “How the fuck are we supposed to win? We had it. We had the Funnyman right before us and he’s just taking us out one by fucking one!”

Callum held his D-Psyche as the first trickles of blood fell down his arm. He winced, feeling the cold building up inside him.

“I said we couldn’t do this...”

“You said WHAT?”

Eleanor whirled on him, grabbing him by the shirt, but he pushed her hand away, gritting his teeth. He stood his ground. “We never stood a chance here and I fucking said it.”

“Maybe we would have if you had actually been able to lead us!”

Lorelie clutched her head, shaking it as her faint voice sounded out. “...please stop...”

Nobody noticed, so loud were they shouting.

“I thought you’d taken over! After all, you’ve done it so fucking well.”

“At least I had the balls to keep moving even when you just gave up at the first hurdle!”

“Face it; we can’t do this! We never could! Not me, and not you! None of us!”

Eleanor flinched, and thrust Chelomon into Callum’s free arm, her face scrunching up.

“Maybe you can’t, but I’m not stopping until either he’s fucking dead or I am!”

The girl rushed forwards with her arms raised, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her feet slipped on the chrome platform but she didn’t care, instead putting all her force into forward motion. Even as Sindrimon rushed towards her, she leapt, grabbing onto the Funnyman’s nearest palm and hoisting herself up. She didn’t get far before it flipped around, an eye opening up on the palm.

hello little girl

are you lost?

Eleanor ground her teeth, and pulled the flash drive from around her wrist, her hair wild.

“I’m sick of being fucked around by this world, and I’m sick of you!”

She lunged forwards, bringing the device down in the centre of the eye. There was a crack, and Eleanor’s eyes widened as she felt the tiny machine splinter in her hands.

The Funnyman recoiled, and she found herself knocked away, suddenly in freefall. She landed on the platform behind her with a thud, the cracked device falling from her grasp and sliding away into nothing. A shadow passed over her as the Funnyman reached down and grabbed hold of the bridge, pulling itself along like a lemur as it leered over the girl. It looked down, disdainfully.

what makes you think you have a chance? not your partners not the engineers not even yggdrasil can stop me

“Are you sure about that?”

Ophicleimon rushed in from behind, slamming his body against the Funnyman with an incredible force. It swung back, pushing the auk away, but Ophicleimon’s body trembled, humming with a deep bass as the storm built up around him.

The Funnyman pulled away, but Sindrimon blocked its path, clamping onto his front headlamp with both of his strong arms.

“Gluhlampenexplosion!”

“Night in Antarctica!”

The attacks were barely controlled, smothering the Funnyman in a wide arc. They coiled together and colliding, sending out jets of steam and flame and ice that ripped panels from the wall and made the whole room tremble. The Funnyman pressed backwards, its eyes squinting and the metal of its arms beginning to buckle and glow from the intense heat and cold.

Slowly, the Funnyman raised its arms, coiling them together into one great mace.

i'm bored with you now

It brought it down on the platform with an immense smash, cracking it instantly. The attacks faded as the two Ultimates tried to find their footing, but it was too late; the platform fell away from the centre outwards, casting them both into the wreckage below. The Funnyman laughed heartily, when all of a sudden its body jerked. It peered up, watching the wires suspending it as they began to split and fray, torn by the intense battle. And by something else. Shrewmon poked her head over the gap, her claws chipped and blunted, and with a furious expression on her face.

“You’re not going anywhere!”

The wires snapped, and the Funnyman plummeted itself, striking the rest of the platform. It too collapsed, falling downwards into the base of the chamber, and bringing Eleanor, Callum, Lorelie, Aardmon and Ursula down with it. The structure toppled into the very base of the core, emergency lights flashing all around.

Aardmon pushed a piece of chrome away from her, coughing as she stared around. Her vision was hazy. Her ears were ringing from the impact. She placed a hand to her neck, and it came away damp and sticky with her own blood.

All around her lay utter destruction. Callum held tightly onto Chelomon, his arm shaking and glowing bright white. Nearby Martin was half-buried under dust, unconscious as Zoamon hovered around him. Ursula was holding her side, crawling around on her knees. Lorelie was crouched up in a ball, her screen flickering red.

Aardmon looked in front of her, seeing Eleanor flat-out on the ground, blood dripping from her arm again. There was a horrendous creaking, and the rubble behind her raised itself up, with the Funnyman pulling itself out like a great mechanical spider. It wasn’t unscathed itself, with several faces caved in and a lot of damage to its arms and body. But still, it was in a far better state than anyone else.

One after the other, its opponents tried to stand. Sindrimon made it up first, his cart clambering over the rubble as his hammer dragged along the ground. His smile was strained now, although still as wide and determined as ever.

Ophicleimon shuffled forwards, his eyes glimmering as he dragged his legs forwards. A low rumble emanated from inside his body, and he keened right into the Funnyman’s face.

Suddenly he stopped, falling to one knee as his cry died away. He looked over at Callum, who was barely conscious himself, still clutching his D-Psyche.

“Keep...trying...”

Ophicleimon trembled, and took another step, the air freezing in place around him.

“Night...in...ANTARCTICA!”

It was a sharp blast. An intense beam of ice and sound striking the Funnyman dead in the side of the head, freezing it instantly. It creaked to the side, emitting little screams of pain and mirth.

get off the stage

Ophicleimon’s legs buckled, and he fell forwards, crashing into the rubble below. On the other side of the chamber, Callum’s arm fell down, ravaged and rent apart by the sheer pressure within. He could only lie there, breathing lightly and clutching the blackened flesh at his shoulder.

“I...I’m sorry...”

The Funnyman laughed humourlessly, and turned its body back towards Sindrimon. The troll roared, and lunged forwards, but a swift right hook from the Funnyman sent him skidding away. He laughed himself, and the two titans chuckled away at their own internal joke.

and then there was one

“Two!”

The Funnyman frowned, and reached up, plucking Shrewmon from the top of its head and holding her in front of it.

why are you still here?

He pinched her within his fingers and flicked her off to one side, where she rolled in the metallic dust, coming to a stop in front of Aardmon. There was a cry as Lorelie stumbled forwards, holding her arms around her partner as she struggled to sit up.

“Let go, Lorelie.”

The girl shook her head, her keypad lying silently several metres away. The shrew pushed herself to her feet.

“Let me go.”

The girl held tightly onto Shrewmon’s body, but without warning her partner screamed and pushed her away.

“Don’t touch me!”

Lorelie lay back, holding a hand to her face as Shrewmon stood trembling in front of her. The shrew raised a hand to her own forehead, with the fur around her face glistening with tears. She shuffled around, and moved towards Lorelie.

“Why are you tormenting me...?”

She rushed forwards, her claws gripping Lorelie around the scruff of the neck and slamming her to the ground. She crouched there, staring down with tear-filled eyes and gritted teeth as she pushed the girl downwards into the rubble.

“Why won’t you let me evolve? Do you think I’m not good enough?”

The girl struggled, raising a hand to her own neck as she let off little gasps, completely unable to scream. Shrewmon only held tighter, her breathing erratic.

“Do you hate me that much?”

“SHREWMON, STOP!”

A figure emerged from nowhere, shoving Shrewmon to one side. She staggered, and looked with horror at her own claws, before glancing back at Lorelie. The girl lay on her back, coughing and holding her collar. Aardmon stood in front of her. Her own arms were shaking, but she held them wide, glaring at Shrewmon.

“How can she hate you? You’re her partner. She loves you.” The aardvark swallowed. “You have to stop. Now. That thing will kill you if you don’t.”

Shrewmon stared at the aardvark for what felt like hours, her mouth hanging open and her breath forming steam. She clenched her fists, before taking off at full speed, running straight towards the Funnyman as it looked down upon them with eternal mirth.

“If I’m really her partner, I have to do this! It’s my duty! My destiny! I need to put my life on the line!”

She closed her eyes, her body moving of its own accord.

“...if I can’t...then what’s the fucking point...”

She ran. Riding up on the rubble, leaping off the remains of the platform as the Funnyman’s multiple eyes swung towards her.

Behind her, Lorelie reached out with one hand, clawing at nothing and releasing a silent scream. Her D-Psyche glowed with an energy unlike nothing she’d felt before, as crimson light billowed behind the screen.

Shrewmon caught the Funnyman in her sights, just as it turned towards her. She pressed her legs against the ground, and leapt up high, bringing her arm back as far as it would go. The blue light glinted off her claws, and for a moment the world seemed to stand still.

“SCRAPE NAIL!”

The impact was audible; an incredible screeching that echoed around the chamber. Shrewmon paused, then slowly opened her eyes.

The Funnyman was holding her in one palm. Her claw was embedded up to the hilt, with a decent distance of torn metal behind it. But that was all.

are we done?

Before she could react, the Funnyman raised its arm and slammed it – full force – into the ground below.

Everybody watched as the Funnyman pulled its hand away, leaving the prone body of Shrewmon alone in the dust. She pushed herself up, her muscles straining as just for a moment she held herself aloft, still glaring up at the Funnyman. Or maybe at Lorelie. It was hard to tell.

Then her arms dissolved, and she collapsed. Her form grew even smaller, stopping when it was about the size of a guinea pig. She twitched, trapped in her In-Training form, Sorimon, in front of the beast responsible for wrecking the Digital World.

The Funnyman itself sniffed, and looked around, almost disappointed in its response.

i wanted that to last longer oh well

It pushed itself up on its skeletal limbs, stretching and yawning. Then it raised an arm, the hand morphing into a mass of blades as it held it over the fallen shrew’s body.

time to clean up

“Sand Lancer!”

The Funnyman flinched as a blade of sand struck it in the face, then another. Aardmon rushed forwards, her face contorted with fury as she ran. The Funnyman brought its hand down but the tiny shrew was no longer there, pulled to safety by Aardmon. The aardvark scowled, turned, and summoned long blades of sand in both arms.

“You h...haven’t won yet! You haven’t won until we’re all finished!”

Her eyes widened, and she dived sideways, the great hand slashing her thigh. She rolled, and charged again, making sure to keep herself between the Funnyman and the prone shrew. She gritted her teeth, and threw the two swords with as much energy as she could muster, but it didn’t even scratch the Funnyman’s skin. It laughed heartily, and swiped at her, knocking her away into the rubble.

“NOOOOOO!”

Lorelie struggled, pushing herself to her feet. She stumbled, and one hand went to her D-Psyche, which was burning red now, glowing with bright embers. The metal shifted, and she brought the other hand up, holding them over her screen.

All around, the other tamers stared. Ursula tried to stand, but the rubble pinned her down. Martin held out his hand. Callum just watched, not daring to speak.

In front of her, the devolved Sorimon’s eyes flickered open, and she saw the bright red glow across the chamber. Tantalisingly close; she could feel it welling up within her. She rolled over, facing her partner and reaching out with a tiny claw.

“Just...a little...more...”

With a burst of light, the D-Psyche blew apart, unfolding as the panels and levers reached out from inside it. Lorelie staggered, facing forwards. For a brief second her head was visible; her true face, with bright red eyes and a stunned expression as she took a deep breath.

Then the energy shot forwards, spiralling towards the scene in front of her.

Sorimon reached out with a claw, feeling the data in her grasp...

...and it flew past her, merely rustling through her fur like wind through leaves.

Sorimon turned slowly, her eye focusing on the aardvark behind her. Aardmon was shivering, red lights coursing through her veins as she began to rise up off the floor.

“Aardmon...Psyche Synchronise!”

The aardvark glanced back herself, and for a moment her expression was one of shock, and confusion, and fear. Then her body was taken over; a pyramid of light etching itself around her and binding her in place. The Funnyman stepped back, the strange light burning its skin.

“Evolution Activate!”

Lorelie’s D-Psyche opened up fully, and fired a beam of red light right into Aardmon’s chest. The Digimon coiled up, and her figure was lost in a mass of swirling sands and crystals that pulled her flesh away. She stretched, and contorted, pressing up against the inside of the prism as a roaring wind sounded all around.

The others watched, awestruck. Callum held his own shoulder, shaking his head. “I don’t believe it...”

The pyramid burst open, and the new Digimon landed gracefully on the ground. She wasn’t too big, about the size of a large deer, and her stance was quadripedal with four slender legs tipped not in claws, and not in hooves, but with something in between. A series of ringlets adorned her ankles and thighs, and similar ones ringed her long, slender tail, which swooped back and forth with water-like fluidity. She wore a shawl over her neck and back, ringed with crimson tassels, and her neck was long and slender, again encased in golden rings.

The creature’s head was radically different to Aardmon’s; more canine or cervine in nature with four ears reaching out from the back. Purple gems were embedded in her forehead and the base of her larger ears. She reached up, and opened her eyes, revealing two dazzling pools of amber, surrounded with dark markings.

“Shamon!”

There was a creaking laugh from in front of her as the Funnyman readjusted its footing, grinning wildly.

well now this is unexpected

kinda lame though

It lashed out unexpectedly, slicing into the ground with a beam of fire, but Shamon was nimble and leapt away effortlessly. She landed, and patted the ground, unsure of her own footing. For a moment she glanced back, staring at Lorelie. The girl was now surrounded by the other humans, holding on tightly to their final hope. Shamon took a breath, and returned her attention to the Funnyman.

“Didn’t I tell you? I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

hopeless pointless useless worthless THE WORST YOU’RE THE WORST AND YOU KNOW IT

The Funnyman lunged forwards again, but this time Shamon leapt up onto the arm and kicked out at the nearest face, denting the metal. She landed again, and the earth where she did so began to glow red, crumbling up and swirling into a ring of sand around her midriff.

“Crimson Cyclone!”

She fired it forwards, tearing into the Funnyman’s third strike and ripping into the biomechanical flesh. It wheezed, and opened up its arm into a pincer, managing to strike the Digimon’s legs and send her down. It didn’t waste any time, firing shards of ice at her, but she blocked it with the ring of sand and pushed herself away, more easily finding her footing again.

The two tussled; almost unsurely, as neither quite knew what they were doing. The Funnyman was still adjusting to its bulk on the ground, and while it had had time to study the other Digimon, this was something new. Shamon was still fighting valiantly, getting more and more skilled with her powers with each passing second.

But she was still only a Champion. Her immediate advantage was fading fast, and she knew it.

She leapt back, flipping herself over and ramming her front paws into the ground, the impact breaking it up instantly. As she landed fully, the ground shifted beneath her, and she rode it up on a red wave towards the Funnyman.

“Devil’s Dune!”

The sand compressed, forming a multitude of blades, scythes and scimitars which spun in a deadly battalion. Shamon leapt up and over the Funnyman, and the dune crashed down, slicing into it effortlessly. She turned herself around, but missed her footing and stumbled, allowing the Funnyman to lash out and catch her in the flank, sending her sliding away. The Funnyman turned, shaking sand from its joints and leering at her with broken eyes.

you've had your fun now it’s time to give up

Shamon breathed heavily, spinning the ring of sand at a frightening pace. “I’m not giving up now! Not after this!”

you're the only one left

The Funnyman took a step, but its arm didn’t move. It frowned, and looked behind it. Sindrimon grinned upwards, holding the Funnyman’s arm in a deadlock and – ever so slowly – pulling it over.

“No she ain’t, FunnyBunny. Not yet.”

The Funnyman kicked outwards, but Sindrimon held firm and swung the arm to the side, causing the Funnyman to topple over and crash into the chamber wall. It righted itself, its whole body sparking and energy coursing down its arms.

Sindrimon stood beside Shamon; still heavily injured, but definitely still standing. He spun his mallet in his hand, and stoked the fire in the cart.

“You still ready to go?”

Shamon nodded, feeling the sand spinning around her. “One last go. One last shot. It’s not over yet.”

They charged, feeling the energy of their tamers and comrades forcing them both along. Sindrimon swung his hammer, building momentum as fissures appeared on his skin. Shamon built her own speed, the ring splitting into several around her and reaching out into blades of sand.

They roared as one, Sindrimon going low and Shamon going high as they leapt towards the advancing Funnyman.

“Vulkanabstieg!”

“Crimson Cyclone!”

Their bodies struck the Funnyman as one.

And carried on, as the Funnyman seemed to crumple with the impact.

“Crisis Failsafe!”

The two warriors crashed to the ground, both of them falling over their own feet (or wheels in Sindrimon’s case). The Funnyman itself rocketed backwards, crashing into the wall and going completely limp in an instant.

The group watched as the dust settled, and the two struggled in the rubble. Shamon shook her head, blinking after the sudden blow. “What the...just happened...?”

She looked up, and saw a figure staring down at her.

Shamon gasped, her eyes going wide.

“You-“

“You utter morons.”

A crowbar came out of nowhere and smashed her over the head, sending her down. She devolved in an instant from the shock and the impact, leaving only Aardmon scrabbling in the dirt.

Sindrimon’s jaw fell open, and he raised his hammer.

“Don’t hit my friends-“

“You too! Stay down! You’re embarrassing yourself.”

The crowbar caught Sindrimon in the chin, and with a loud POP he too burst into data, leaving only Hinkymon staring at the ceiling with a confused expression on his face.

Rid of its obstacles, the new Digimon muttered to himself, and rolled away through the rubble. Ever so slowly, the others edged forwards, trying to make heads or tails of what they’d just seen and coming up completely blank.

The newcomer seemed to be a robot of some sort; balancing on two wheels like a segway, and with two hydraulic arms tipped with a gripper and a blowtorch. It carried a rack across its back, into which it had reinserted the crowbar, alongside other tools such as a hammer, a circular saw and a multi-headed screwdriver. It carried three bulbous canisters over its back, and had a selection of boxes around its midriff, which rattled as he moved. He wore a hard-hat on his head, and his face was engraved with a permanent smiley face, although his actions didn’t exactly seem to fit that demeanour.

He sighed as he approached the Funnyman’s prone body, and raised his blowtorch, still muttering to himself.

“Honestly, this is just beneath me now.”

He raised the tool up to the Funnyman’s head, and fired, blasting a perfectly circular hole in it in seconds. The group watched in fascination and utter confusion as he clambered up the mass of rubble, though how he was able to be so agile with the rickety-looking trolley that passed for his legs was absolutely anyone’s guess. Having reached the centre of the Funnyman’s head, he stuck his other hand inside, and pulled it out again exactly one second later, holding the dimension sphere.

The robot trundled backwards, whistling while he did so, only to find himself blocked by Callum, who was almost bent double from the pain, still holding his blackened shoulder. The boy raised his hand, but his voice came out as a series of coughs and wheezes. Still, it got the robot’s attention; he stopped, and tilted his head to one side.

“Can I help you?”

“What...what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Callum pointed down at the core, swaying back and forth in the robot’s gripper. “What is that? What...did you just do? We’ve been...what? WHAT? Who are you?”

His tirade was greeted by the robot’s dead-eyed smile, and very little else.

“Get out of my way.”

Callum raised his fist. “No! I won’t let you! We’ve worked hard for that; what the fuck are you doing with it?”

“It’s my job. I’m fixing it.”

The robot twitched, and dropped the core beside it, before rolling forward and shoving the boy in the chest, repeatedly, driving him backwards.

“Look, short-stuff, my name is Ingeniumon and it’s my job and it would have been an awful lot easier if there hadn’t been a group of morons causing all this damage. Do you know how long this is going to take me to tidy up? Do you know? Did you stop to consider? No, because you’re all utter morons. So shut up, piss off elsewhere and let me clear up your mess.”

His last comment came with a shove, and Callum fell backwards. Ursula stepped forwards. “Um...”

“What? I don’t have time for this.”

The girl clenched her fist. “I don’t understand. The Funnyman...it was wrecking the world...” She stood up, staring the robot in the face. “We...needed to save the world! We were called here to do that.”

“Oh is that what you were told.”

The robot slumped, and rubbed his face with his gripper.

“Well you’re wrong. You aren’t needed here. Go away.”

He turned, but Ursula rushed forwards, grabbing his shoulder. “No! We’ve fought this far! We were gonna win!”

Ingeniumon looked up, looking at the shattered screens and broken wires all around. A panel fell from above, clattering against the rubble.

“I can clearly see that.”

“But...it was our mission...”

“It was never your mission. It only became your mission because someone doesn’t know how we do things around here. Someone thought it would be a good idea to get humans involved.”

Ingeniumon folded his arms. “Am I right? Apprentice?”

His head turned slowly, and he looked down. Everyone followed his gaze, and they saw Aardmon, crouched in a ball and trembling.

Martin bit his lip, and held Zoamon tightly. “What’s he talking about? Apprentice? What?”

“Although I suppose that someone was panicking at the time because they’re the ones who let this damned virus into the core in the first place. It’s understandable.”

Ingeniumon placed his hands on his hips and leant forwards, his smiling face boring into Aardmon’s terrified one.

“You are extremely fired, by the way.”

She flinched, and shuffled back further, but the group bent down around her, staring at her.

Callum swallowed. “Aardmon...you don’t mean...”

Ingeniumon huffed, and trundled away back towards the Funnyman.

“If you don’t tell them then I will, you useless, pathetic waste of a Digimon.”

Aardmon scrunched her eyes shut, but that did nothing to help. She opened them up again, revealing the five tired, injured children and five injured Digimon staring at her. Ursula clenched her fists.

“What did you do, Aardmon? What the hell is this?”

“I...I...”

Eleanor pointed behind her, her breathing erratic. “That...thing...the Funnyman...it’s...your fault? All...no...you’ve gotta be...this THING...the FUCK is going on?”

Aardmon buried her snout in her arms, and wailed.

“I’m sorry! Oh god, I’m sorry. It...it...”

She sniffed, and looked up, her eyes filled with tears.

“It was just an accident...”

TO BE CONTINUED...